Free Guided Meditation & Self Help Blog

Online luxury internet auction Portero.com

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 21:12:00 +0000

Internet auction is a great way to save money. However, for big ticket items such as luxury watches, handbags and jewelries, eBay may not be such a great choice because the number of counterfeit items listed. For most people, how to tell a real Louis Vuitton from a fake one is not something that can be done easily.

Portero.com is a website that sells ONLY authenticated luxury items. Sellers must pay $25 upfront, and 30% of the sale price as the commission, which could be easily over $500 as most items are expensive. For buyers, it is a great outlet as the site offers full money back guarantee and promise that all items listed have been checked and verified to be authentic.

Currently selling: Alberta Ferretti, Lana Marks, Louis Vuitton, Michael Kor, Marc Jacobs, Tiffany's, among many others.

"But Wait There's More" by Remy Stern - an interesting look into the home shopping industry

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:54:00 +0000

The home shopping and infomercial business has always been interesting for many reasons. Firstly, it is a big, $300 billion industry which many of us have done business with; Secondly, there seems to be a constant stigma of the quality of products. Thirdly, the infomercial hosts seem to always be wearing this overly friendly fake smiling face that sometimes make you energized and uncomfortable at the same time. Tune in to QVC and you will always see some over tanned woman trying to sell you some cosmetics that you probably don't need.

As someone who has a deep interest in psychology and business, I notice that almost every successful marketing campaign are effective in eliciting strong emotions. If you look at the home shopping business, they are always great at eliciting fear of rejection - On the other hand they always promise more love and acceptance as a key benefit of whatever product that is currently being promoted: teeth whitener, abs machine or acne cure system.

Today's Wall Street Journal talked about a book called "But Wait . . . There's More! ". Written by Remy Stern, it looked at the hefty sales and wacky pitchmen of the business.

Why Hypnosis Smoking Cessation Works

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 01:51:00 +0000

If you’re thinking about saying goodbye to cigarettes once and for all, good for you! The path you are about to embark on can be filled with pitfalls, but there are tools that can help you along the way. Hypnosis smoking cessation programs, for example, can give you the extra burst of motivation you need to leave this habit behind.

If you think about it, the reasons to quit smoking are overwhelming. From the health factors and the expenses involved to the smell and the mess, the motivations can pile up sky high, yet some people still won’t quit. This is because smoking is deep seeded habit that can latch on to a person physically and psychologically. Once it does, it puts up one heck of a fight before it will let go. When it’s time to truly kick the habit once and for all, hypnosis smoking cessation programs can put success within reach.

Hypnosis smoking cessation programs are designed to empower the subconscious mind with the right thoughts to drive the conscious mind forward in an effort to quit. Whether you seek out a professional, licensed hypnotist or download an online hypnosis smoking cessation program, most will enable you to do these things:

Stick with your decision to quit – Hypnosis smoking cessation programs empower the conscious mind’s decision to quit by replacing negative thoughts in the subconscious mind with more positive ones. When the subconscious receives suggestions that quitting smoking is possible, is attainable and will feel good, it will go along with the program. When the entire mind is focused on a cause, success tends to follow.

Overcome withdrawals – The physical addiction to smoking can be a tricky thing to overcome. When the subconscious mind is convinced that the symptoms are minor and can be tackled, they will be.

Replace the bad habit with something healthier – Smoking is also a psychological addiction. People become ingrained in the habit of holding a cigarette, puffing on it and so on. The times of day they smoke and when cravings are the highest are often guided by habit. Hypnosis smoking cessation programs also often seek to help people replace the physical habit with something more positive. Munching on carrot sticks or chewing gum, for example, can help you get over the psychological hump.

Hypnosis smoking cessation programs work because they empower your subconscious mind to agree with your conscious decision. Quitting smoking is not an easy undertaking, but it is achievable. When you believe this down to your very fiber, you will succeed in your efforts.

New free guided meditation mp3 for you to download

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 23:11:00 +0000

In the past few weeks I've created more free weight loss affirmation clips, mind tools and guided meditation mp3s, they are all at the Self Help Tree membership section -all you need is a free account to get them!

It's springtime, a perfect season to lose weight and get rid of old habits that no longer serve us. If you too, want to get a whole new hot body, make advancements at work and create a life unlike any thing we've seen, I encourage you to take an honest look at what works and what doesn't in your life. What are the habits that we can keep and what need to be replaced. There are countless occasions which we rob ourselves the opportunities to live a great life by engaging in self sabotaging behaviors - they may look harmless at first - but deep down we know they won't lead us to where we want to go. They may be in the form of not maintaining a regular sleep habit, not eating properly, not finishing what we say we will do. Change is not always an easy task, but I believe that it is necessary if we want to live our best life.

Top 5 Reasons To Meditate

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 03:25:00 +0000

Your day is already jam packed with things to do from the time the sun comes up until well after it sets. There’s no way another activity could possibly fit into your schedule. So, why would you consider adding meditation to the mix?
When the benefits of this widely popular and highly personal pursuit are explored, the reasons to squeeze a little time into everyday life for this activity become clear.

The top five points about meditation that make it a worthwhile undertaking are:

It’s easy to get started – Learning how to meditate can be a lifelong pursuit, but that doesn’t mean getting started initially is difficult. This is a very personalized undertaking that can be used simply to assist with relaxation on one end of the spectrum. Some people choose to take this to the next level and work at meditation to help them achieve a higher state of awareness. For beginners, this just isn’t necessary and doesn’t have to be the goal.

It is highly relaxing – To properly meditate, you must learn to relax your body and calm your mind. This can be a fantastic practice to get into to reinvigorate yourself at the end of a long, hard day.

It reduces stress – As the body and mind relax to properly meditate, the impacts of stress also tend to melt away. This benefit, in and of itself, makes learning how to meditate a very smart idea. Stress, when it’s allowed to build up over time, can contribute to a number of serious health conditions, including heart problems, obesity, stomach ailments and more.

It is affordable – Getting into meditation isn’t quite like any other hobby or pursuit out there when it comes to costs. For a beginner on a shoestring, a quiet place in a home and a free MP3 download can be all that are necessary to give this practice a try. It is, of course, possible to spend much more in the pursuit of higher awareness, but ultimately expenses are not necessary.
It focuses the mind – When people learn how to meditate, they also learn how to improve and focus concentration. This can translate rather readily to everyday life. As concentration improves, so too can abilities in personal and career life, as well.

The reasons to learn to meditate are many and they are compelling. This relatively simple practice can have benefits that flow into every aspect of life. From assisting with relaxation to helping a person avoid physical ailments, the ancient art of meditation remains popular today for very good cause.

Unlock Your Inner Tiger With Erotic Hypnosis

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 02:58:00 +0000

Sex is a perfectly natural, enjoyable and wonderful expression of self. Sadly, thanks to the taboos society places on the act, many people find themselves unable to explore and relax even when they’re in a committed relationship. When it’s time to break down the boundaries, erotic hypnosis can assist you in unlocking your inner tiger.

The reality is that most people do have a very sensual side that is just dying to get out. Fears of intimacy, “being bad” or too risqué, however, prevent full expression. This can hurt you and it can devastate a partner who might feel slighted, unwanted or undesirable.

Busting through the taboos and tapping into this, however, can be more than difficult. Erotic hypnosis can work for a number of reasons. This form of hypnosis can be extremely effective for lessening fears, lowering inhibitions and enabling you to express yourself behind closed doors in the manner you and your partner desire because it can help you:

See past taboos – Consenting adults should not be bound by the shackles of taboo. As long as an act is mutually agreeable and will not result in anyone getting hurt, taboo should not be a part of the equation. When erotic hypnosis is used, getting past this barrier becomes easier because hypnosis addresses the subconscious mind. It is here that our fears, preconceived notions and inhibitions tend to reign supreme. Erotic hypnosis can impose more positive thoughts about sexuality and performance in your mind and give you the key to unlocking your sensuality.

Feel sexier and more confident – Frigid behavior often results from a person’s own feelings of inadequacy. Getting past this and identifying with your own sensual side can be a chore. Erotic hypnosis makes it easier by helping you see yourself as a more sexy, confident and desirable person. It can open the doors for freer expression with a partner and enable you to tap into your own fantasies and acknowledge them more readily.

Get over feeling “silly” – It is not at all uncommon for people to feel a little silly and especially embarrassed by their own sexuality. While these thoughts are not rare, they can hold a person back from enjoying themselves and helping a partner do the same.

Sensuality and sexuality are a part of being human. When erotic hypnosis is successful, you will be able to tap into your own feelings and desires and allow them to help you feel better about yourself, your partner and what you do as consenting adults. It can unlock your hidden tiger and give you the freedom to knock down the walls of taboo and enjoy yourself like never before.

What To Expect From A Meditation MP3

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 02:55:00 +0000

Getting into the right frame of mind to make meditation work isn’t always an easy undertaking. With the stresses of daily life, environmental distractions and even fatigue getting in the way of concentration, the hunt for serenity can be thwarted at every turn. When a little boost for the process is desired, a meditation MP3 can provide the answer.

Meditation MP3 offerings are available from a number of different sources. These handy downloads are ideal for use for a number of reasons. The biggest perk is perhaps found in the fact that they are portable. Just put a file onto an MP3 player and a jumpstart for meditation can go anywhere a person does. When these files are used with a personal MP3 player and earphones or ear buds, an instant and private escape can be enjoyed. They can also work extremely well when piped through standard speakers to fill a room’s atmosphere with calming sounds or guided instruction.

Meditation MP3 files can be found online in a number of locations. They can also be created using meditation CDs that are backed up on a computer to produce this more portable type of file.

Those wishing to explore what meditation MP3 files might have to offer will discover that the format covers many different styles. Files available for free and paid download online can include such things as:

Nature/white noise sounds – Meditation requires the mind to be freed up from the constant buzz of thoughts that plague it throughout the day. When a meditation MP3 offers white noise or nature sounds, it can help a person focus and relax. The peaceful, repetitive sounds are designed to foster concentration and free the mind from negative thoughts.

Guided instruction – For those who are new to meditation or wish to take their experiences in a new direction or to a new level will find guided MP3 meditation can assist greatly. These files will include spoken instruction that can guide a person’s thoughts and help make the experience more productive and enjoyable.

Religious meditation – There are a number of meditation MP3 files that can guide people in the pursuit of religious meditation. From Buddhist teachings to Christianity and beyond, meditation is an excellent way to tap into one’s own spirituality and beliefs.

When a little help with focus is desired, a meditation MP3 can provide the boost a person needs. These files can vary in content, but each is designed to help users relax, focus and concentrate their thoughts in a positive and productive manner.

Top Reasons To Consider Hypnosis For Weight Loss

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 03:21:00 +0000

Losing weight can be a day-to-day battle that has no visible end. Unless true lifestyle changes accompany an effort to shed pounds, the reality is what is lost will often come back and then some. When hypnosis for weight loss is used along with other measures, the impacts can be lasting.

Hypnosis for weight loss can take place in one of several different ways, including sessions with a professional hypnotherapist or self-guided measures using tapes and other similar materials. No matter the type of program explored, however, the benefits tend to be the same. When hypnosis is effective at leaving behind positive suggestions in the subconscious, actions, and indeed lifestyle, can be altered for the better.

There are a variety of reasons why hypnosis for weight loss is well worth exploring. This alternative measure can be beneficial because it:

Is generally effective – While hypnosis, of course, has its margin for error, the practice tends to be quite successful in those who truly want to affect change in their lives. When the subconscious mind comes on board with what the conscious wants to achieve, the combination is a powerful one to reckon with.

Is typically affordable – The overall costs of hypnosis for weight loss can be rather modest in comparison to other efforts that require long-term investment. If budgets are tight, self-guided measures can take the financial sting out of the prospect almost entirely.

Addresses the root causes – Hypnosis programs commonly seek to change negative thoughts and habits into positive ones. By taking this approach, hypnosis for weight loss measures can actually address the root causes of weight gain. For example, hypnosis commonly addresses overeating by working helping people feel fuller after eating standard sized portions.

Instills better habits – Many people find they are overweight because of the habits they’ve developed over a lifetime. They have aversions to eating healthy foods. Some have issues with exercise. Still others simply do not have the ability to say no to sweets and other junk foods. Hypnosis can help a person instill better and healthier habits into their lifestyle and give people the willpower to stick with a program.

Avoids the use of harsh products and medications – Weight loss programs often consist of the use of food substitutes, chemicals and pharmaceuticals. The problem with these things is that they can sometimes be dangerous. In addition, it is not uncommon for people to go right back to bad habits once programs have been completed. When hypnosis for weight loss is the program, however, the lifestyle changes made tend to stick without the use of any special products.
Hypnosis for weight loss can provide those on the quest to shed pounds with the help they need to actually succeed. When the mind gets behind a program fully, the outcome tends to be especially pleasing.

5 facts about forgiveness, according to the latest psychological research

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 06:48:00 +0000

How often do you forgive? When do you decide whether to forgive someone? How? While being forgiving is, in the long term and in most situations, beneficial to you, premature forgiveness may also have long term costs if the acts of aggression don't stop as a result. It is accepted among psychologists that in certain situations, it is perfectly healthy if one chooses not to forgive. Also, situations that left you feel betrayed or hurt might signal other underlying problems, such as communication breakdown or expectation management problem.

Forgiveness is such a complex topic that many psychologists spend years to study. It is indeed related to personality, relationships and coping. It also has associations with culture and interpersonal politics. Researches around the world have discovered certain interesting facts about forgiveness:

Older individuals are more likely to forgive than younger adults
With age comes wisdom. Mathias Allemand at the University of Zurich found that older individuals are more likely to forgive after an interpersonal conflict.

Religiosity, as measured by faith, service attendance and prayer, is positively correlated with forgiveness. And this is true for Christians, Muslims, and Jews
For some people, this may be a surprising fact, but for the rest of us, it's just a confirmation. Australian researchers Adam Fox and Trang Thomas found that no matter which religion one believes in, there is no difference in the strong link between one's religiosity and his/her tendency to forgive.

When we are grateful, we are more likely to forgive
This finding is once again the proof of the power of gratitude. Felix Neto in Portugal found that gratitude is linked to one's likelihood to forgive.

Holding outrage may be beneficial in certain situations
Judith Anderson, a Jungian psychotherapist, argued that there is nothing inherently wrong if you decided to hold grudges. In situations where you feel that justice needs to be sought, not forgiving may be the more appropriate action.

The exact definition of forgiveness remains an open issue
Some suggested that being forgiving means the absence of negative emotions towards the transgressor. For others, it means being free from negative emotion and showing positive affect towards the transgressor.

How to choose a good meditation class

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 06:35:00 +0000

It should come as no surprise to you that like everything else, meditation classes come in a huge variety in quality. Here are several things to consider if you are considering a particular meditation class.

Hygiene
This may sound counter intuitive, but the fact is, not all meditation centers maintain good hygiene. Make sure you ask for a tour before you join. There is nothing more distracting than a dirty floor and a stuffy, smelly room. It defeats the purpose of using meditation to achieve relaxation.

Religious affiliation
Most of the meditation classes are either run by non-profit organizations, health clubs, or proper Buddhist groups. In order to ensure you don't unknowingly participate in any cult-like organizations, ask whether the class is affiliated with any religious groups.

Hidden fees
Most meditation classes require a per visit contribution, ranging from $5 to $20. The fees are usually used to cover the rent, insurance and the traveling costs of the teachers.

Maximum number of classes you are allowed to take
If you decide to participate in meditation classes as part of the package, check whether

Online meditation classes
Online meditation classes are perhaps a more convenient option, consider that you can start anytime, anywhere, without a significant difference in quality.

Forgiving the unforgivable with meditation

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 02:12:00 +0000

Look around you. How many people are truly happy? Not that many, right? One of the reasons why people are not fully enjoying the lives they're living is simple: they are stuck in the past. They are stuck with their past regrets, anger, unresolved issues and hurt. For many of us, instead of starting our day with hope, joy and anticipation, we relive our old, outdated yet equally toxic negative memories.

Believe it or not, anger is actually part of our biological response. It is designed to respond to environmental threats so we can defend ourselves and those around us. Therefore, a moderate dose of anger is perfectly natural and is actually good for us. However, being angry for a prolonged period of time is unhealthy, and if you have regular, uncontrollable anger outbursts, it may be a signal that there are some underlying problems which you should pay attention to.

Meditation is linked to enhanced empathy and compassion, but don't be tempted to force yourself to forgive someone by practicing meditation. You should probably find some ways to cope with the stressful situation, and bring closure to these events, before you decide when to forgive the persons involved. There is nothing more destructive than simply forgiving and not drawing healthier boundaries for the future. In every unpleasant situation there is wisdom to be extracted, lessons to be learned. Before you decide when to forgive somebody, it is always helpful to have a close look at what lessons you can learn from the situation, and how you can do better in the future. After you've learn your lessons and how to draw boundaries, it is now a good time to let go.

In stead of rushing to forgive someone by practicing meditation, you can use this ancient practice to do what it does best - to let you clear your mind. Meditation helps you develop a laser sharp focus so you can correctly define and diagnose the problem that bothers you. It also helps you to come up with coping strategies and solutions that you don't normally see. For example, you may find it hard to forgive your parents who you think mistreated you, when your mind is still and clear, you may be able to see that the problem isn't totally about them, rather it also has to do with your communication skills. When you correctly identified the problem, you are in a much better position to improve the situation.

5 simple ways to be happier, calmer and have more energy

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 02:09:00 +0000

Have you ever wondered that if you have more money, a better car, a nicer home, you will be happier?

The latest research found that you're right, to an extend. For a hungry individual to move from a deprived environment to one that is clean and safe does make him or her happier. However, once that threshold is met there is little correlation between extra material processions and the level of happiness. The average national income in the US has increased multiple times, however, researches found that the happiness level does not seem to have changed significantly.

There are virtually countless ways to be happy, the key is you have to allow yourself to be happy. if you sense a lot of negative energy around you, consider the following ways to feel better:

1. Enroll in an online meditation class

Yoga and meditation has been scientifically proven to enhance emotional stability, happiness and concentration. While it may take hundreds of dollars to join a gym and hire a meditation teacher, now you can enjoy meditation and its many benefits at home by enrolling in one of the online meditation classes available on the internet. A good meditation program should be able to guide you to a deep state of relaxation and a higher level of happiness.

2. Start a happiness journal

Every night before going to bed, write down 1 or 2 things that made you happy during the day. It could be the surprise email you received from your high school sweetheart before a class reunion, a beautiful meal you prepared for your partner, a great performance appraisal you received, a stunning sunset your saw or simply the lovely smell of the fragrance you bought yourself.

3. Plan a "me" time

Modern living is stressful, and more often than not we juggle multiple roles. It is important that you have an hour or so to yourself everyday which you can stop taking care of others and focus on taking care of your own wellbeing. Have a glass of chardonnay, read an inspirational book, or create a home spa. You will feel happier and calmer if you spend time to take care of yourself.

4. Read

Reading takes us out of our own little drama-filled world to a much larger world where opportunities are endless. Autobiographies are great for people who want to get inspirations from those who overcome unbelievable hardship to achieve success and stability. Read widely, keep an open mind and you will see many new opportunities in life.

5. Eat well

When we maintain a healthy, balanced diet, we are less susceptible to being tired and depressed. This is a strong body and mind connection that we cannot deny. 6. Get rid of clusters Let me tell you the clusters around you actually drain you of your happiness. Why? Clusters or untidy environment is a sign of procrastination, a sign that we put off doing what we should be doing. When your environment is clean, nice and organized, you will feel more motivated and enjoy a higher energy level.

Accelerate the benefits of meditation

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 02:18:00 +0000

Meditation is about the state of mind, but as countless scientists and psychologists have found, there is a clear mind and body connection. If you want to get healthier and happier with meditation, it is important that you get two fundamentals right first: Sleep well and eat well. No amount of yoga or meditation can promise you sustained wellbeing if you don't have enough sleep and eat healthy.

Sleep well and wake up early
Our body is sensitive to light. Light and serotonin interacts and have an affect on our circadian rhythm. When individuals are constantly exposed to darkness, their level of serotonin decreases. Serotonin is an important neurotransmitter that regulates sleep, mood and body temperature.When we sleep well and wake up early, we feel better. That's because our bodies are biologically programmed that way.

Eat well
While going vegetarian or not is a personal choice, eating plenty of fresh, nutritious food that nourish your body and mind is always a good advice. In the busy world we live in today, we may be tempted to substitue healthy cooking with fast food and takeouts.Try to cook as often as you can, aim at at least 3 times a week.

Like everything in nature, we humans need light, food and sleep. We also have higher needs such as the need for affiliation and self actualization. I argue that unless we meet our biological needs we can't achieve spiritual abundance. It is important to see meditation as one of the means to enhance wellbeing. If your goal is to be happy and healthy, make sure you drink plenty of juices, green tea and eat lots of fresh fruits. Exercise. Maintain a regular sleep shedule. Meditation in itself cannot substitute food or sleep, but when you combine regular meditation with these two you will see noticeable benefits in a few weeks.

Why good people do bad things?

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Sun, 02 Nov 2008 02:32:00 +0000

Many of us spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and engaging in self sabotaging behaviors, for example, taking long lunches when our goal is to climb the corporate ladder, stopping for fast food when we need to get fit, or having anonymous sex that leave us feeling shameful when we want to find true intimacy and respect. Why do we constantly engage in these seemingly stupid behaviors?

In her book "Why Good People Do Bad Things", Debbie Ford pointed out that our stubborn, dark, selfish self and our generous and loving self co-exist, and we as human beings need both of them. Why? Because we need to attend to both our higher spiritual needs and our earthly needs. By ignoring, denying and neglecting our earthly needs, instead of facing and managing them sensibly, we put ourselves in denial. Denial takes effort, and when we least expect it, these denials will emerge in the form of subtle or not so subtle self sabotaging behaviors, such as overeating, overdrinking, infidelity, procrastination and violence.

By acknowledging it is normal for us to be angry and even greedy at times, we can channel these urges in healthy ways. The key point is awareness. That's why meditation and reflection are so important for our self growth. Meditation frees our minds from the usual mental chatters that blind us from seeing the truth as it i, they also blind us from seeing our own needs. When we are aware of our darker needs, and feed them in proper ways, we free ourselves from the danger of having them erupt one day.

Read the book excerpt

Do self help books really work?

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:26:00 +0000

Do self help books really work? Researchers in the Netherlands investigated whether books on personal growth indeed brought positive changes in people's lives. The point of the research was to investigate if and how popular "positive psychology" books were effective in enhancing self esteem. The result is perhaps not surprising: self help books are most effective if they are problem-focused. [1]

Scientifically, self help books and programs were found to be effective in treatment of certain disorders, some books were even able to produce positive outcomes that were comparable to therapist-administered treatments [2] Researches found that self help books and programs are most effective for anxiety, depression, mild alcohol abuse, insomnia and sexual dysfunction. However, due to the sheer volume of self help books published every week, some have not gone through rigorous reviews, and their recommended methodologies are often untested and may be scientifically unsound. Individuals who need help and insight into their behavior and problems may be doing themselves a disservice if they believe in every word they see on these books.

The current study quoted scientific evidences against certain self help myths. For example, positive self affirmation alone was not enough in building self esteem, in order to experience true happiness, one also needed positive feedback from others. Goal visualization also required concrete actions to make one's dream a reality. These findings come as little surprise, as no self help books can promise any drastic changes if the readers do not apply what they have learned and take actions to better their lives, the same ways that no fitness program can promise a fitter body if the person who bought the membership choose not to use the gym. Some effort and perhaps uncomfortable changes are required for any self improvement programs.

Imposed optimism is a major psychological trap in our society. Individuals in need of help and guidance are coached into forcing themselves to think positive. Psychologists have found that personality traits are both determined by nature and nurture. Ignoring the fact that who we are and how we think are partly determined biologically, we may find ourselves in situations which we put in a great deal of effort to try to be positive all the time when our instinct tells us not too look through rosy glasses. Such blind faith and false hope may lead us to nowhere. A healthy dose of pessimism, a realistic look of the likely cost and benefits of our actions, together with reasonable expectation grounded in reality, may be just as beneficial to us as individuals as a healthy dose of optimism.

Sources:

[1] Bergsma, Ad; Journal of Happiness Studies, Vol 9(3), Sep 2008. pp. 341-360.

[2]Den Boer, P. C., Wiersma, D., & Van den Bosch, R. J. (2004). Why is self-help neglected in the treatment of emotional disorders? A meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine, 34, 959-971.

Motivation, Conscientiousness and Determination Predict Life Success, A Recent Research Finds

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 04:24:00 +0000

Harvard Business IdeaCast recently conducted a show on "globality", a new term used to describe the post-globalization world we live in which we have to compete with everyone from everywhere for everything. This is a scary concept. More jobs are being cut and we can see new, powerful overseas competitors entering almost every field. While it may be unsettling for some, for others this new, unavoidable force may also bring opportunities and mega profit. We can look at the facts, predict how it may change the game, and use this change to our advantage.

For every major change in human history, there are winners and losers. The shuffling effect however may not become clear until several years later after the onset of the change. While cursing our competitors may bring temporary relief and vent our anger, we can focus our energy on studying their tactics, analyze the situation and find our own competitive edge.

What causes poverty? Why some people win in the job markets while others fail?

Michael O'Connell and Hammad Sheikh, both U.S. psychologists, studied poverty and ways for an individual escape it. O'Connell and Sheikh found that besides cognitive abilities (intelligence), which is moderately flexible, other factors also play into a person's likelihood to succeed. These non cognitive abilities allow individuals to radically improve their chances of success.Some important non-cognitive abilities identified include:

* motivation
* self-discipline
* determination
* conscientiousness
* trustworthiness

Unlike IQ, these abilities can be acquired and modified rather quickly, previous researches have also yielded similar findings that conscientiousness is an important predictor of success. These achievement-related attitudes are human capital and can be a key resource for people who have a bad start (coming from low income family, or living with a lone parent who is not working, or born with a lower IQ). A positive attitude towards learning and knowledge, O'Connor suggested, can change the brain's architecture and result in a much better overall life outcome.

Sources:
[1] O'Connell, Michael; Sheikh, Hammad; Journal of Economic Psychology, Vol 29(4), Aug 2008. pp. 508-521.

Let go of your bad habits with guided meditation

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 01:06:00 +0000

Lose weight, stop procrastinating, fall in love, write a book... every new year we make resolutions, wishing and hoping to be healthier, richer and more attractive. A year has come and gone, and we can't really notice any significant improvement in our situations. We are still stuck at where we were a year ago. Who are keeping our dreams at arm's length? What if THIS YEAR, you can really live your dream life?

Now is a good time to sit down and think hard what is going right and what is going wrong in your life, and what is holding you back from living your dreams. Living mindlessly can stop us from fulfilling our potential. Now, try to think of as many vivid and memorable events that happened within the past 168 hours - that is, the past 7 days. If you're like most people, you can't come up with that many. Most of the time we are just blase, without paying attention to the world around us. When we don't pay attention, we miss out on important hints and signals our environment is trying to send us and opportunities that may lead us to a better, more secured future. On the other hand, when we are mindful, we can see what we are doing right and what wrong, any self loving or self sabotaging behavior become abundantly clear.

Fortunately, there are many ways to improve mindfulness and attention span. One scientifically proven way is to meditate. Meditation is proven to improve mindfulness, a study by Harvard University found that people who meditate grow bigger brains than those who don't. The parts of the brain that deal with attention and process sensory input become thicker after periods of meditation. Now, rewind thousands of years to the ancient time. Siddhartha Gautama, the man who became Buddha, also achieved enlightenment through meditation.

Meditation helps you to release unwanted noises in your head. The negative self talk, the unresolved issues from the past, the hurt, the guilt and other negative thoughts that we no longer need. It is not some untested new age claims, the benefits of meditation have been documented many times by scientists and researchers around the world. The National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine even linked meditation to improved immune function and positive emotional states.

Our actions originated from thoughts. By releasing destructive negative self talk, toxic self doubts and anger, we are able to start afresh, to have better self control, to see the good things in life, to laugh often, and live the good life we deserved. Meditation is easier than you think, beginners usually notice benefits by meditating 15 minutes a day for 2 weeks. Guided meditation is a great way for beginners who want to experiment with meditation, in a guided meditation journey, the meditator will follow the teacher's voice to slow down his or her breathing, the teacher will then help the student enter a meditative state of deep relaxation through guided imagery. In the past, individuals who wanted to learn meditation must go to a Buddha learning center or hire an expensive coach, technology has made it possible to learn meditation with mp3 downloads. It is even possible to download a clip and play it in a beautiful park, at the beach or on your way home from work. If you want to be happier, calmer and have more energy this year, meditation is something worth exploring.

Meditation, stress and the economy

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 03:12:00 +0000

When the economy is in bad shape and people get laid off, instead of finding a new job many of us are tempted to start our own business. Some think that things are so bad, they can only get better when they are the boss. While it is great to be innovative, we have to be careful so that we don't dig deeper into the hole.

Even in the best of times, entrepreneurship is a huge burden. Statistically, only 1 in 10 businesses survive over 10 years. The chilling stat shows that starting a business is no easy task. Every time a client returns a product, every wrong investment and every economic downturn becomes your responsibility.

If you really are serious about starting your own business, a book called "Entrepreneur's toolkit: Tools and Techniques to Launch and Grow Your New Business" published by the Harvard Business School is very useful. In fact, it is widely accepted in the business community as one of the most useful books for aspiring entrepreneurs available in the market.

The book outlines social changes that create opportunities for entrepreneurs, they include technological change, regulatory change, civic failure and changing tastes. It introduces important questions such as:

What value do I bring to customers?
Is the value significant?
What is the target market?
How can I get finance and start up capital?
What will be the demand situation?

There was abundance evidence of the human cost of being stuck in a stressful job. Anyone who has worked in sales, retail, real estate or customer service can tell you the stress. That's why I recommend you to try transcendental meditation. At least you will can relax and shut out your worries for 10 minutes. More likely you will relax and learn something about controlling your thoughts. In the U.S., a 7-day transcendental meditation course is available for $2,000, while very helpful in managing stress, the cost is an issue for some people. If you are new to this and want to reap the benefits of meditations, we have some free guided meditation clips for you to try at the privacy of your own home.

How to bring discipline back in our lives

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:26:00 +0000

You procrastinate when you should be making a sales call. You listen to ipod when you should be focusing on your project. You go for a double cheese and beef burger when you are on day 5 of your diet. Then you feel tired, depressed, and angry at yourself for not being able to stick with your goals.

Of course, making changes is not easy. It has never been. We all have these lapse of judgments or lazy days. And even Oprah, the queen of self help, admitted that she has problems maintaining her weight - it has just bounced back to 200 lbs.

In business, this is called the knowing-doing gap. A knowing-doing gap exists because doing the right thing requires a lot of discipline. On top of the psychological barriers and fear of the unknown, sometimes it may be too inconvenient or uncomfortable to make changes.

In his latest book "Nudge", University of Chicago Business School professor argued that the design of any products or systems can affect how people make choices and decisions. And by tweaking the environment, the user interface, the choice architecture, one can easily guide individuals to make certain choices. Businesses have long figured out this interaction between the environment and human behavior, that's why in every supermarket, the bakery section is almost always near the entrance, the sweet smell of freshly baked breads is used to entice shoppers to check out all the other food on sale, as a result they spend more.

I used this example to illustrate that we too, can guide ourselves to making better choices by tweaking our own environment. If we have a history of overeating, it is probably a good idea to use smaller plates, since we have a tendency to finish the plate, regardless of the food portion. If you want to get out of debt, browsing shopping sites is probably not the best leisure activity. Instead, you may want to go jogging, painting or reading instead. It does not cost any money and keeps you from thinking about the next "IT" item all the time.

Meditation, love and ancient eastern wisdom

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 06:44:00 +0000

Our identity can be defined in many ways - worker, father, daughter, athlete, executive, veteran, student - There is no single definition that can completely define who we really are. And maybe that's a good thing. If we place too much emphasis on one single identity, chances are we may lose our job AND our identity. According to the Buddhists, nothing is constant. And this observation made thousands of years ago in the east is still applicable to the world we live in today.

Our jobs are become less secured, the financial market is in turmoil, even people and ideologies we once trusted are questioned. All these changes bring stress. For those of us who are under constant stress, I recommend you to try meditation. Strictly speaking, meditation requires you quiet down your mind, let go of all mental chatters and release unwanted irrational impulses - but this is no easy task. Guided meditations therefore is a good way for beginners to try meditating without having to exercise too much emotional discipline in quieting the mind.

Additionally, this ancient eastern tradition has blended with modern psychology. For one thing, now we can enjoy aromatic meditation using different essential oils. Unlike taking anti-depressant pills, the benefits of meditation is instant AND sustainable. Your brain will become more receptive, more relaxed and less judgmental after a single session of 20-minute meditation. If you meditate every day and develop it into a healthy habit, you will notice your ability to love and receive love increases.

Procastination

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 05:01:00 +0000

In a recent research conducted at University of Calgary, psychologists found that lack of energy showed the strongest relationship with procrastination. Some psychologists have found that procrastination is a stable personality trait that consistently predicts self sabotaging behavior across different contexts.

This theory suggests that a person who is always late on bills is likely to procrastinate on other tasks. Situational factors also play a role in determining a person's tendency to procrastinate, common situational factors may include fear of failure, unrealistic performance expectations or low self esteem. Perceived efficacy is an important factor in predicting procrastination. Individuals who have strong belief that they are capable of completing a task are more likely to regulate their own behavior, engage in the task and successfully perform in it.

Interestingly, researches found that procrastinators do see the value and the benefits of successfully completing the tasks.

Office Politics

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 05:05:00 +0000

Office politics is a tricky subject. And it is safe to say that for some people, these two words elicit the same level of pain and discomfort as words such as "cancer".

There are thousands of books written about how to survive in a political environment, the best ones however, are written not by HR practitioners but business people who have been in the trenches. Jack Welch's books provide a brutal and uncomfortable - yet realistic view of how to handle office politics. Since we can not stop gossip spread about us or choose our managers, it is wise to focus our efforts on influencing how we respond to the environment.

It seems that there is no finite set of strategies that can help you tackle every sticky political situations. Over the years, I observed that if we are able to align ourselves with the the following groups of people, our lives will be much easier:

Informal power holders - workers who have gained the respect of their colleagues because of their knowledge and expertise. They often have deep connections within the formal leadership and to a certain extend, have a say as to who stays and who goes.

Managers of other departments who sit close by - these group of people have similar level of experience and people skills to rise through the ranks as your own managers, however, the lack of conflicting interests means that they are more open and willing to inform you the economic reality of the firm (e.g. upcoming downsizing) or your own areas of improvement.

Things that I guarantee you will create stress to colleagues and thus make enemies:

* Make excessive personal calls and talk loudly
* Wear too much perfume
* Bring smelly food and eat at the desk
* Use the F word excessively

These are just the basics. But many seem to be oblivious to their behavior and unnecessarily make themselves unpopular.

Here are some things to do if you are stressed out:

* Make use of the third party counseling hotline or services paid for by HR (Be careful when disclosing information, especially if your company does not have a contracted third party to handle requests and counsel in house, your information may not be confidential)
* Visit a day spa
* Treat yourself to a luxurious lunch on Fridays
* Get a good night of sleep every night
* Read about politics, history and poetry.
* Paint
* Meditate

Positive self talk and empowering languages

noreply@blogger.com (Self Help Tree) — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 05:52:00 +0000

Emotions can be contagious. If we are surrounded by people who are perpetually negative, cynical, depressed and bitter, we may be affected.

Language has a powerful effect on behavior. We all know that persistent negative self talk, left uninterrupted, can deplete our energy and rob us of our ability to see our challenges and ability as they really are. It is therefore important for us to be aware of any negative self talks, and replace unhealthy negative dialogues with a realistic assessment of the situation.

Negative emotions such as fear and anger have their place, they are useful to remind us of our past mistakes or bad judgments so we won't make the same mistake again. These emotions can help us guard against dangers. In order to truly enjoy life and many of its blessings, we also need to be compassionate, loving and accepting. We can't afford to let negative self talks to take over our mind, lower our productivity and disrupt us when we have the chance to experience joy, intimacy and happiness.

Not everyone has jumped wholeheartedly onto the affirmation bandwagon, but the power of affirmation and positive self talk has been documented by psychologists and scientists. We may be unaware of our internal dialogue as we as human beings are not very good at seeing or questioning our own preconceived notions, we can at least pay attention to what is going on in our head and avoid being judgmental to ourselves and others. We should also look out for negative statements such as:

"I can't do this"

"I don't have enough time"

"I will do this later, I'm too busy right now"

"I will be happy if I have a better job/new home/new handbag"

These statements can be correct. You may be living a busy life. But I challenge you to think deeper. Many of us do not pay close attention to our internal dialogues and mindlessly use old excuses to avoid doing what we know needs to be done. Do you really have no time to clean up your room? It may only take 15 minutes but we keep putting it off, letting the "I don't have enough time" to stop us from making our room clean and beautiful. When we are aware of our excuses, we can consciously ask questions such as "How long realistically is it going to take? Do I want my room to look cute?" If you are actually too busy, you can at least modify your internal dialogue to "I don't have enough time to finish cleaning up my room, but I'll start today by just cleaning the desk because it only takes 5 minutes". Exposing and confronting our negative self talk with facts is a great way to end procrastination.