Why good people do bad things?
Many of us spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and engaging in self sabotaging behaviors, for example, taking long lunches when our goal is to climb the corporate ladder, stopping for fast food when we need to get fit, or having anonymous sex that leave us feeling shameful when we want to find true intimacy and respect. Why do we constantly engage in these seemingly stupid behaviors?
In her book "Why Good People Do Bad Things", Debbie Ford pointed out that our stubborn, dark, selfish self and our generous and loving self co-exist, and we as human beings need both of them. Why? Because we need to attend to both our higher spiritual needs and our earthly needs. By ignoring, denying and neglecting our earthly needs, instead of facing and managing them sensibly, we put ourselves in denial. Denial takes effort, and when we least expect it, these denials will emerge in the form of subtle or not so subtle self sabotaging behaviors, such as overeating, overdrinking, infidelity, procrastination and violence.
By acknowledging it is normal for us to be angry and even greedy at times, we can channel these urges in healthy ways. The key point is awareness. That's why meditation and reflection are so important for our self growth. Meditation frees our minds from the usual mental chatters that blind us from seeing the truth as it i, they also blind us from seeing our own needs. When we are aware of our darker needs, and feed them in proper ways, we free ourselves from the danger of having them erupt one day.
Read the book excerpt
In her book "Why Good People Do Bad Things", Debbie Ford pointed out that our stubborn, dark, selfish self and our generous and loving self co-exist, and we as human beings need both of them. Why? Because we need to attend to both our higher spiritual needs and our earthly needs. By ignoring, denying and neglecting our earthly needs, instead of facing and managing them sensibly, we put ourselves in denial. Denial takes effort, and when we least expect it, these denials will emerge in the form of subtle or not so subtle self sabotaging behaviors, such as overeating, overdrinking, infidelity, procrastination and violence.
By acknowledging it is normal for us to be angry and even greedy at times, we can channel these urges in healthy ways. The key point is awareness. That's why meditation and reflection are so important for our self growth. Meditation frees our minds from the usual mental chatters that blind us from seeing the truth as it i, they also blind us from seeing our own needs. When we are aware of our darker needs, and feed them in proper ways, we free ourselves from the danger of having them erupt one day.
Read the book excerpt
Labels: debbie ford, procrastination, self help
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